It's beginning to look a lot like planning....

I don't know why, but already I'm thinking about what kind of things Mr Baker and I will do for Christmases with our kids...even though Christmas is 5 months away, and Christmas with KIDS (not infants) is at least 4 years away

(I think my 2 favorite things about this movie are the crescendoing chorus of Mormon Tabernacle Choir and the Dad helping retrieve the Baby Jesus for the daughter. It reminds me so much of my first memory of my Dad. I had those candy bracelet and necklaces, but they were on the counter in the kitchen --this was before my brothers were born so I was at least 4-- I was just a little too short to reach them. Then all of a sudden, my giant of a dad was there next to me. He picked up the candy necklace and bracelet, put them around my neck and wrist, respectfully, and then I said thank you and scurried. It's a favorite memory of mine)

Christmases for the Baker family are going to be humble affairs for most of our kids lives--but not pitiful. Stemming from the fact that we neither want nor will have the means of providing massive gift giving extravaganzas, Mr Baker and I want to have Christmas traditions in our family that will make it more a fun time to be together rather than the "how much of my wish list did Mom and Dad deliver"

My younger brothers and I would stay up Christmas Eve watching Disney movies. And there was the Christmas Eve dinner of Spaetzle, lentils, brats, and German potato salad. Oma had her Christmas Pyramids from Germany, which I loved. Oma would also take me to see the Nutcracker Ballet whenever she could--would remains one of my absolute favorite Christmas gifts of all time. We most often had a live Christmas tree and Mom would take some of the trimmed branches and light a few sprigs just enough to spread the scent of pine throughout the house. She did it because Oma did it when my mom was a little girl, and Oma did it because it reminded her of the candles they let on their Christmas trees in Germany when Oma was a little girl.  And then of course their is steak and eggs and sop chocolate for breakfast Christmas morning.  And of course we read the Christmas Story on Christmas Eve

     Some of these family traditions, although treasured, are out of our price range (IE steak and shrimp cocktail, Nutcracker ballet, live Christmas tree ... bummer) But we can keep up some of them: German food for Christmas Eve, Sop chocolate Christmas morning and I 'm sure I could scrounge a pine branch from somewhere.
            My mom's best friend Margaret's family acts out the Nativity every year. I saw a picture of one they did a couple years ago and with the advent of grandkids as well as their own grown up children--it has become quite an epic show. So that is something Mr Baker and I will consider doing when we've got a few children running around.
         Some other ideas I had were, instead of just buying candy, we might spend Christmas Eve day making candies as a family--I have a cookbook solely dedicated to candy making. I got that idea after my roommate one semester spent an evening with her sister-in-law and mom (who were visiting) making truffles--and they were very good.
         Then there's that time in between the last present being opened and before the big feast of Christmas Dinner when you just don't know what to do--especially when you outgrow getting toys  and although you may be thrilled to get cashmere socks, they are not very entertaining for very long--not like how a gi joe jeep could be. You could watch "A Christmas Story" with Dad, but by Christmas Day you've already watched it a million times. You might want to watch "Joy to the World" with Oma, but Dad's already watching "A Christmas Story" so the only other option is to go upstairs--but that doesn't work for Oma and besides Mom's in her room getting a much needed nap in prep for Dinner that night (which will be epic on all accounts mind you). And you don't want to go to your own room because no one's there and it's a mess anyway. So I think with Mr Baker and I we'll gather up all the kids after the presents and make ginger bread houses, then Mr Baker can play with the kids and read them Christmas Stories while I take my nap and make my own epic dinner on all accounts. But these are all things that won't be much fun until Poppyseed is like 2, So I don't know what we'll do until then.
       I think Mr Baker is starting his own tradition in that all he wants for Christmas is pie--Pecan Pie being his FAVORITE--it's what he wanted last year and it's what he wants this year and many years on. And he likes that that store bought pecan pies have all that filling and only a few nuts, which I cannot understand because I was so blessed to have my mom's which is a lot of nuts and just the right amount of filling. Then I realized that Mr Baker is a convert to true pie enjoyment--he was not "born under the crust" you could say. But I think in time he will come to appreciate the difference when he realizes he can eat much more of my mom's pie without  "and you shall run and not be weary" not gaining a second meaning in regards to "the Virginia Quickstep"
        I always enjoyed Christmases with my family and I want my kids to also have fond memories. What are some of the things you loved about Christmas when you were a Kid

I love my Poppyseed!

Do you think it will fit?
That's a little coming home bonnet I crocheted just for her

I'm so excited to meet my little girl. With Mr Baker away at Scouts camp I had plenty of time to wish she was already here to have fun girl time with. My mom and I always had good fun together when it was just the two of us while Dad and the boys went off to camp for the week. Even though she'll only be nine months old next year when Mr Baker goes off to camp I fully plan on implementing girls nights with her. She'll be able to share some bites of frozen yogurt with me at twizlberry, and I can paint her toe nails while she naps, or take her to the swimming pool with me, or walks in the park--- but when she can start eating solid foods that's when the real fun will start!--our whole menu of ladies-night treats will explode. I've also enjoyed planning other things for her. I have fond memories of my mom reading "Little House in the Big Woods" while we were sitting in the car at the hospital waiting for my dad's mother, Nana, to come out from physical therapy. Mom and I read a lot of Little House books (including the expanded series) --this is something my brothers never showed much interest in btw. We often planned on doing a little pilgrimage to some of the Little House sites, but perhaps we'll be able to do that with Poppyseed when she's older. I also have been trying to get in the habit of singing some primary songs while doing housework. Why? Because I remember my first day in primary. I remember sitting there during singing time while everyone else was singing and I didn't know the words so I just mouthed at every song. I remember feeling very sheepish about it so maybe if I sing some of the more well known ones around Poppyseed she'll at least know a few. I like this little number a whole lot:

A smile is like the sunshine;

It brightens up the day.

It gives the eye a twinkle----

and chases clouds away.

I think we'll save ones like "A Child's Prayer" for Senior Primary days, the Junior Primary songs can be so much fun. But then again I always enjoyed when I could babysit a baby under the age of two and I could sit in a rocker and sing the more melodic primary songs to them and rock them to sleep--I hope that's something I can find time to do with my little ones. Even when babysitting bigger kids like my old apartment managers-- those guys were 6,4,and 2--I still sang to them and they loved it. I let them choose 2-3 songs and then kissed them good night. I sincerely hope that that is something that becomes a tradition for my kids and that despite all the tiredness and exhausted nerves my kids can count on at least one lullaby from their mother before bed--or perhaps we'll do it as a family and sing to the youngest, I don't know, we'll just find what's right for us, but singing a song together as a family before family prayer might be the thing--we'll see

I don't want to be one of those parents that "makes plans for their kids" such as trying to mold them into doctors or athletes, but I do hope that they have an appreciation for music in their lives. I'll be thrilled if one of them has the talent and passion to pursue an instrument or vocal but I won't get my hopes up on that. However, having a child sit by me and be just as thrilled with a performance of the Nutcracker Ballet as I did with my Oma would truly be a delight to me.

Becoming

Ok 2 things (or people) have caused me to dwell a little on appearances: may friend Katie Walker and an Ordinance Worker at the Temple. I met Katie in a my semester of German. We sat next to each other and became engaged to our husbands that same semester--it wasn't hard to make friends. I always noticed how well kept and pretty her appearance was. Her lovely long, blonde hair was always perfectly and not ostentatiously curled. Her make up and clothes were just as tastefully done. In short her style and appearance are very Grace Kelly: attractive, feminine, and ladylike without trying to turn every head in the room. I was always envious of that I as rushed into class just as it was starting and Miss Katie was sitting so  nicely in her seat studying her verbs. She was always so put together and I was often bare faced with wind swept hair, at least I had a nice outfit on though.

The next is a sister I often see at the Temple. She's older, about my mom's age. She has short black hair that is always "done", natural looking make-up and pearl earrings, with a well tailored and pressed Temple dress and gold watch. She looks so classy and elegant

Dress and grooming standards of our culture have greatly changed over the past 60 years. We hear a lot from church leaders about how revealing clothing has become but I think we too easily forget that they also counsel to not be slovenly in our appearance either. Modesty isn't just about hemlines, but about the tastefulness of your appearance. And when it came to appropriate Sunday dress, this was something I was taught well be my parents. Denim skirts were not allowed for church as they were too casual and I was always expected to wear stockings and a slip under my skirts. That is something I have held true to in college--and I think it makes a difference. I think about how women once would never have dreamed of leaving their house without putting on some make-up, a nice outfit, and fixing their hair and I honestly think that that is how it ought to be. How often do a I go out without any make-up and jeans and a t-shirt or worst yet gym clothes? I make a stark contrast to Mr Baker who every day for class looks so good in his ironed shirt and tie and waxed hair. Or for a party wears a nice collared shirt, with dark wash jeans.  Imagine what kind of impression would be made if Mr Baker was talking to a potential employer and then I pulled up in sweats, no make up, and hair pulled back in a messy bun?
I'm not saying I should enslave myself to appearances or become shallow, fashion obsessed glamazon--but there is a key word here that defines how I think I ought to look at my appearance and that is BECOMING. We don't often use that word anymore, but I think it fits perfectly. I should be putting just enough effort into my daily appearance choosing make-up and clothes that are becoming to me. Make up that enhances my natural beauty, a haircut and style that flatters my face, clothes that make the best of my body shape with tasteful accessories.
I'm not saying I'll be vacuuming the floor in heels and pearls, but it takes just as much effort to put on a nice blouse and nice jeans and shoes for the grocery store as it does an old t-shirt and shorts and flip flops.
Old t-shirts and sweats have their place--such as doing yard work or camping, but there is definitely a way to dress casual and look put together and it's just as easy as dressing casual and looking schlumpy.
So for me I am going through my wardrobe and throwing out old clothes that show their wear or just do me no favors. As for daily house cleaning, I am a big fan of a fresh, clean white t-shirt and jeans. This is appropriate for cleaning the bathroom and doing dishes, can easily be washed to look new (thank you bleach) and the white is flattering to my coloring. But I'm drawing the line there on jersey cotton--the material t-shirts are made with. Although trendy and inexpensive, knit fabrics do me no favors. They have no structure and show off any unwanted curve or contour--plus they show their wear very easily---they are not my friend although they are very comfy.
I've made it my goal to to put a little more effort in emulating the examples of the aforementioned ladies. I want to make my appearance more appealing as I think it ought to be. So this morning I showered, blow-dried my hair, and put on some make up. I opted for a blouse instead of a t-shirt (since I wasn't doing any heavy duty housework today) and put on some lovely aquamarine earrings my parents gave me several Christmases ago.  I've always enjoyed the tradition my parents started when I was 14 of buying me some nice piece of jewelry for birthdays and Christmases and I always looked forward to it, it made me feel like my parents thought of me as a young woman rather than a little girl-- don't think that just because I complained of drowning in a sea of testosterone in this other blog post that my parents never did anything girly for me--I was exaggerating in jest, but humor can be so easily misunderstood--especially when I'm dispensing it (I don't have the talent for clarity). 
This is me trying to look becoming

And this is me mimicking a famous Audrey Hepburn pose:

Don't ask me why I prefer to look so silly in photos--but it's probably because I'm so picky about "looking good" in a photo--my friends Cate and Candice completely understand

can you tell I've enjoyed having Mr. Baker's macbook all to myself this week? Thank you photo both!

"If You Wish to Live and Thrive, Let a Spider Run Alive"

This is a Hobo Spider

Thanks google for providing me with this photo that will surely gross/ freak out some friends and family

They're not native to America but found their way over here sometime in the early 20th century and have spread throughout NorthWest America. And while their bites do require medical attention, they aren't deadly. Now is the time of year when they start "house hunting" for the coming cold weather (ie they start getting into peoples houses. We live in a duplex and my neighbor on the other side of the house found two last night--one in her bedroom and one in her daughters. I have seen none which is odd because our part the house is lower and adjacent to the garage and therefore more likely to be the happy home of little critters like these. I'm not the type of girl to be scared of spiders. Not to long ago a found in 8-legged friend in the living room near my house plants. my thoughts at the time: "Make yourself at home, you can eat all the gnats that cropped up after we bought a bag of potting soil that the parent gnats had laid eggs in before it was bagged in sold". Then I think Mr Baker killed it a later when I told him about it. Although he did have point: spider's carry germs just like any other bug and it's not safe for Poppyseed. So we've reached a compromise: he will kill any spider he finds, and I 'll catch them and set them free outside if I find them. After all spider's eat bugs, people hate bugs= spider's aren't that bad. However I worry about Poppyseed's health and safety should there be any Hobo spiders in the house so today I took a healthy walk to Walmart and looked for some kind of anti-spider stuff--Something I never thought I'd do. I was raised in the South and the bug and pest problem is a million times worse there than it is here. More mosquitos, more ticks, more flies, more gnats, more spiders. My cousin, Mads, told me once about how her husband, Javi, from the LA went inside the house after receiving one mere mosquito bite from sitting outside. We just slap the little suckers when they get close and just ignore the bites if we're over the age of 13. The mosquitos aren't nearly as vicious up here as they are back in "Dixie Land", they practically ask your permission before biting you. Nope bugs aren't a big deal to me out here in Idaho.  So shopping for pest control seems quite unnatural and not my style. I remember standing there in the aisle, my thoughts switching back and forth between "I don't want to be one of those neurotic, helicopter moms" and "Is this going to be chemically safe for me and the baby" ---ironic, I know! Talk about playing both ends of the piano. In the end I decided to actually look up the effects of a hobo spider bite on a baby before buying something. Remember the old adage I used as a title "If you wish to live and thrive, let a spider run alive" I heard it many years ago from my friend Heather Reynold's mom. I looked it up, it's from the middle ages when finding a spider near or on you was considered an omen for good luck--I originally figured it was a sign that the spider would simply eat all the bugs in your house. Well there is some truth to the saying: If you don't mind spiders you won't spend the money on spider traps and repellent. Even so I'm pretty sure we'll still be shelling out the $5-$10 on pest control just to be safe.

When the Cat's Away the Mice Will.....miss the Cat a whole lot and stay up until 2 because they don't like to go to bed without the cat

Mr Baker was hauled off to scouts encampment for a whole week (it's taking me a while to figure out what my next sentence will be). At least I got to spend a few days with him between the end of finals and the beginning of camp. My mom and I always would look forward to scouts camp and having all the men out of the house. I think though that if my mom had had all girls she would have dreaded scouts camp. Well it hasn't been a whole lot of fun without Mr Baker here. Although I've never been one who begrudged doing things alone and I found plenty of things to keep me occupied, I did not like having to go to bed by myself or actually waking up to an alarm rather than having Mr. Baker wake me up after his shower.  Mr Baker felt bad about leaving me all alone and as a result has encouraged me to buy little treats especially when out with friends--something I have tried not to exploit because Poppyseed and I don't need a ton of empty calories and I don't want to reinforce the idea that spending money will make me happy in Mr Baker's mind. (I don't want him to equate his efficiency as a good provider based on how many little luxuries I can purchase). He did get to come home one night for a couple of hours because one of the guys needed to be back in town for work and needed a ride. It was SOOOOOOO NICE to see Mr Baker again and have dinner with him. I got him the special at Teriyaki Express ---his favorite. Then Mr baker freshened up a bit (the camp site doesn't have shower's and Mr Baker is one of those people who has been known to take 2 showers a day on occasion--so I know he really enjoyed that shower).  There was a distinct moist glisten to his eyes when we said good bye and he had to return to camp, which I found quite romantic. I cannot wait for him to come home--I have a special dinner planned for him. I making him my mom's famous chocolate pie and a cranberry ginger ale punch we are both very fond of. Dinner will be light because it's that time of summer when I just have no desire to slave in the kitchen over a heavy meal. I think it is the heat and that certain lassez faire mood of the Summer Session that makes anything beyond smoothies, seafood, and chips and salsa unappealing : so I am thinking chips with pinto dip and a pizza bianca. I've also been cleaning and doing some decorating in the house-I want it to look so smashing for Mr Baker when he gets back. I've been keeping our salsa bottles and washing the labels off them. They have a unique shape reminiscent of old milk bottles. Our bedroom has 2 light fixtures that hang with chain going across the ceiling to the power source. They're very cute and have a lot of potential for decorating. I had the idea of putting little white candles in the jars and suspending them with twine from the chains---I'll post pics later since Mr Baker took the camera to scouts camp. I cannot wait to spend the weekend with my sweetheart !

My new life

26 weeks...yeah I don't know where she all is either, but  by her movements and kick it FEELS like she's sprawled out over my tummy like a blanket even though that's not how babies are. This morning she kicking up close to my rib cage then diagonally down at the left bottom side of my tummy (or perhaps she was doing some kind of punchkick combo) Mr. Baker got to feel her move for the first time.

It is popularly said that a baby changes everything. Well this certainly is the case for me. If you ever read "What to Expect When You're Expecting" did you ever notice that for the first 5 months it listed in the monthly symptoms list "misgivings on pregnancy". I can't say I didn't have them. When I found out I was pregnant I was elated and shocked--I didn't feel pregnant nor did I think we would be so lucky to get pregnant the first time we tried. However not too long afterward doubts began to enter my mind. "Will I enjoy being a mother?" Will I have any time to do the things that I want to do?" "What about my figure, will I get stretchmarks, saggy breasts, and fat?" ---Are you noticing all the pronouns: I,I,I,I
It's not that motherhood is such a hardship but that my attitude at the time would certainly make it so. If I was only concerned about what I was getting out of it I would most definitely be unhappy when the baby came. This wasn't the woman I wanted to be, but I was. I had always dreamed of being so loving and selfless in my role of wife and mother and finding happiness in taking care of my children. It certainly was a wake up call.
I had always been good at following rules all my life, so being a "good mormon" came easily--that is having the appearance of being a "good mormon". It has never been very hard to do all the physical things we are told to do: read scriptures, go to church, pray, dress modestly, pay tithing and all the rest. But actually having Christ at the center of my life and truly being like Him in my heart was a much different story and a struggle in my life that I became aware not too long before college but certainly became a brick wall for me when I got married, one I could not ignore anymore. My doubts about becoming a mother not only revealed to me that not only was this brick wall in my way but that I could not just stand there, I had to climb it, demolish it, dig under it, do something to get passed it.
I've always loved the verses about a virtuous woman in Proverbs 3, it was the woman I wanted to be: she's a good homemaker, productive, gets out of bed early, takes care of her family and others, takes care of her body and appearance, is wise. I thought I was doing all those things: Cleaned house, gardened, cooked, crocheted and sewed (I may be selling things on etsy soon), worked out, completing a well rounded college degree, and even on occasion curled my hair for Mr Baker. But I had to ask myself was I doing all that out of selfless service to my little family or for the personal ego boost that I was doing all those things? And so over these past 6 months I've been working to change me AND my attitude. And little by little I am able to do that. I am so grateful for my little Poppyseed (that was our nickname for Sabrina before we knew whether she was a boy or a girl and its still sticking to her). We here so much about how the example of our little children can influence and change us for the better. I haven't even held her yet, but already she is changing me and I'd much rather be the person I am now because of her than who I was before.
I often like to tell Mr Baker that I literally gave up the world for him, and I did. Before I met him, I was bent on graduating from BYU-Idaho single, going to the UK for graduate school, and traveling through Europe on holidays visiting all those places and paintings I had only seen in all my art history classes, I was going to be a university professors, sophisticated, urbane, the cool, single aunt to all my nieces and nephews buying them the coolest birthday and Christmas gifts from all my travels, then sometime in my 30's after I had done all this then I would marry some successful hottie and have a family.
I'm forever grateful that none of this happened (except for the marrying a successful hottie part--that did happen), because although that plan is perfectly compatible with our society Oprah approved notion of the modern woman, it wasn't making me the KIND of woman I hoped I would be. Yes those would all have been impressive and fun things to do but in the end what were my goals going to make me--more selfish, self-centered, and arrogant.
Yes, Mr Baker and Poppyseed, I gave up the world for you, but you have given me the life I've always wanted.

I take a lot of inspiration from this video of how I want my perspective of motherhood to be. I don't want to see it for what I get out of it but what I give to my family

"God Bless Us, Everyone.."

Well there's no Tiny Tim in this blog post, but meet "Mr. Scrooge"

          .....or so HE says he is. Mr Baker tries not to waste money. And being lowly college students--it's a legitimate effort. So we try not to spend money when we don't have to. Mr. Baker is always encouraging me to make do with what we have and I must say as an artist I can appreciate that challenge since discipline is source for real creativity. These past few weeks I have had plenty of time to exercise "creativity" as the end of the semester and finals have rendered me a "BYU-Idaho" widow. Usually Mr. Baker is able to make it home for lunch and dinner and spend the evenings with me, but with finals and projects (especially the immer demanding Graphic Design class) it's been long days on campus, early mornings, late nights, and me taking food to him because usually if he comes home he has a hard time leaving home to get back to work (yes it is my fault). Anyway he must have been feeling very guilty about all this because the other day he came home to grab a snack and some things for an assignment and then with a big smile said, "Hey sweetheart, would you like to go get yourself a treat?" --as in the self-proclaimed Mr. Scrooge was ACTUALLY suggesting I spend money. I don't want you to think I live with and love a penny-pinching meiser. I certainly am not the best with money so over the past 6 months of marriage I've tried to follow his example and be more frugal, but before I was most definitely one of those people who would spend any extra dollar she had and excuse the purchase of little luxuries. So imagine how proud I was when, after a few moments of reflection, honestly replied, "No I don't need anything, thank you though." But then Mr Baker couldn't help but show a little disappointment. I could tell by the change in his expression that he felt bad. It's got to be hard being a husband--you think you've got some aspect of your wife all figured out--like knowing that a little treat will just make her day, so you get all excited about giving it to her and then she declines. Add pregnancy hormones and I got a little teary eyed when I realized that Mr Baker probably thought this would really make my day. I felt so bad. So I told him when he got his homework done for the day we'd get a treat together. But still I felt really bad for ruining the moment...perhaps I should have nabbed a five-r from his wallet and dashed off to Florence's chocolate store and gorged myself on her delicious chocolates (my FAVORITE!!) leaving Mr Baker to eat his ramen in my dust. On second thought--no I shouldn't --Mr Baker you hold on to that Mr. Lincoln and make a visit to Florence's after I've popped Poppyseed out. I think then I'll deserve some chocolates and Simply Lemonade thank you very much.