My pre marriage fantasy gets a reality check

Before I met mr. Baker I was planning on going to England for grad school. I daydreamed I would meet some older, sophisticated, successful man who looked like this:

Imagine how I laughed when I saw this same actor, who had lent his face and northern english accent to so many a wandering dream to fun and romance a la the British Isles, in the trailer for the Hobbit looking like this:

I know that the old joke is how marriage is never what you expect it to be, and how quickly the exterior qualities of one's partner go down hill fast. However in my life of "exceptions to the rule", can I really be surprised that the "husband" I once envisioned, before meeting Mr. Baker, went to seed, yet Mr. Baker is all the more appealing.

I don't know if anyone else can find the humor in this, but honestly ....

...I think I made the right choice....

... my real life husband has filled my life with "dream checks"--times when I couldn't believe that life could be so good--  and I have been so happy with Mr. Baker as my best friend and companion through life.

And we look forward to going to see the Hobbit together for date night someday ;) HAHA

New Beginnings

As a young teenager, my church young women's group always held a night called "New Beginnings". It was a time to renew efforts on our progress and review what we had accomplished in the past; a time of advancement and inspiration.

Now as a woman, I have something new in mind

You may have noticed that I have not blogged in a while.

I've had a time of personal realization. There is a plague among women of trying to be or at least appearing to be super woman. This "I can do it all, and do it effortlessly" causes much lack of self worth and pointless self pity in many women. On the flip side, the attitude of "this is who I am, take or leave it, and I don't care" is equally abhorrent.

At any rate I fall in the former category all too often in my life and came to realize how pointless that was.

So I've taken a turn of "I'll just do me duty" and not worry what people may think or say. I have responsibilities and I must set an example of what I think is right. However example and influence stem naturally from intentions and you cannot hide fake and superficial.

In a nutshell, I've been busy focusing on what I need to do rather showing off what I do.

It's been a "New Beginning" of priorities and outlook and it has permeated to my actions and day to day work.

I've simplified and let go of a few things.

I've set up goals and schedules

I've felt the urge to do more for my family.

One thing I've come to realize is my need to improve in meal planning

We need to eat healthier--that's nothing new. So I made a plan. I grabbed a copy of "What to Expect When You're Expecting" and perused the "Best Odds Diet" section that list foods in groups and how much you should eat of them. (I choose this approach because I am in the time of my life of where I will be having children for the next few years or so, and I found this very resourceful when pregnant with my little ballerina).

I thought it would be a good idea to pick a few new foods from these lists every week and try them. AND so as to prevent them being put away and forgotten to long after their expiration date (a fate that too often happens to new foods) I conveniently put them all in a basket on top of the fridge. I call it my "New Beginnings" basket-- a new beginning to foods I've never tried or am less familiar with. Now when I go to prepare a meal, I can reach for the basket, grab something, and try something new and healthy....problem solved.

Let's face it, I'm odd...

...I came home after classes and went to work tidying up the house. I soon found myself thinking 'Ahh--it is so nice to come home after a long week and clean'---not...even...kidding.

 For most of my life, I have been quite the slob. Nevertheless, sometime before I met Mr. Baker I decided things need to change. Now it's been a slow battle--it's not easy to completely change the way you look at your living. Keeping things clean require more than just cleaning, but a mentality of cleanliness and a discomfort of mess. I finally made significant headway before Poppy was born, but having a baby and going back to school puts everyone back a ways. Now I focus on cleaning on the weekends and aiming for "tidiness" as I cannot maintain the standard of cleanliness I aspire to until I graduate and "clean house" moves up in the priority list.

One of the things that's first to go down is this bookshelf...oh how I love to organize and I cannot wait to get my paws on these out of control, catch all shelves. (Don't even get me started on how eager I am to clear out the Kitchen cabinets.)

And don't think I have forgotten you, my darling dear. Last night I was counting potential sewing projects to fall asleep instead of sheep. Nevertheless, I know full well that anything I can accomplish now--as busy as I am-- I'll probably be able to do with more kids. So I try to sew for a few hours every week, just to keep in the habit.

And finally, these little darlings. Tomorrow night my cousin Nan is coming over to help me hang these and I printing off pictures to put in some empty frames--it only took my over a year of marriage to get down to it.

And of course, the Kitchen, oh how I look forward to getting back to my pursuit of culinary excellence. I'm going through a bit of a decadent phase (we've seen a return of white flour to my pantry).

Living in the moment today (with children), pays off tomorrow

I cannot tell you how many times I have heard parents lament how quickly their children grow up and how they wished they had appreciated that time with them more.

So just before Poppy was born, I made a promise to myself to not take my moments with her for granted. Already she has grown so much, so fast

I've found that feeding her in the wee morning hours was a lot easier when I considered how brief this period of her life is--only a year or so.

I know really it is unavoidable. No matter what I will always yearn to have spent more time with her than I remember having, but life must be lived. That goes for her just as much as it does for me.

Enjoy the rest of these pictures from play time earlier this afternoon

giving a little "mona lisa" smile

Poppy and her Doll

My Poppy is becoming an expert smile-er, no? 

:)

Our first Christmas

Last Sunday Mr. Baker and I celebrated our first Christmas together! What a delight it was, too, to have it be the three of us, with our kleines madchen, Poppy. Mr. Baker and I opened our presents "aus Deutsch"--that is we opted to open them on Christmas Eve instead of Christmas Day. Our cozy little Christmas was the best of my life! It is such a joy to be a wife and mother--I think forever after my Christmases will be progressively better as we watch our children grow.

I did my best to try to emulate my mother's Christmas marathon of culinary masterpieces--but without a dishwasher, this domestic goddess pooped out after brunch on Christmas Eve. I was so worked up over having the best meals for Christmas Eve and Day and doing everything according to plan, that I was utterly stressed and missing out on just enjoying my holiday. So sometime Christmas Eve afternoon I realized that I did not want to be the Yuletide dictator I had been doing and just went with the flow.

Mr. Baker and I decided that, rather than have a traditional menu for the Christmas Holidays, we would get together as a family sometime prior to the holidays and decide what we would like to eat that year--be it pizza hut, chinese take out, or steak au poivre--that's what we're going to get! I think we might do the same with planning our Christmas activities.

We also decided that we liked the German tradition of opening gifts on Christmas Eve, so in the future we just might have the kids open their wrapped gifts on Christmas Eve, but Santa will still deliver his gifts on Christmas morning.

Mr Baker did very well this Christmas, receiving a fair amount of nice clothes from, me, his mother and my mom. One of my favorite gifts was the robe and slippers my mother sent me--I cannot tell you how much easier it is to take care of Poppy in the middle of the night now that I have a snuggly warm robe and slippers! Danke schone, Mutti!

Poppy with the "special" gift from Uncle Kyle and a fish rattle from Oma

Poppy was also highly favored in the gift department! I loved the pop up book her Lolly and Pa sent her, as well as the mary-jane socks not Bebella and Grandpa sent her. I crocheted her a "mohawk beanie" which had her grandparents and uncles in stitches when they saw her in it--she is positively adorable and I must get a picture of her wearing it! She also got her vary own baby doll (which is about as big as her)

I promise she loves her doll ;)

Well at least not everyone feels that way,

Dear Poppy,
You bring so much joy into my life

Joy- as in suffering, work, fun, pleasantness, chaos, and peace all rolled up into one life with you equating to happiness

Not everybody feels this way about motherhood, or life in general, but you should know that life is about duality, its the bitterness in life that makes the sweet moments sweeter. 

Life is hard, and the only way to make life easy, is to not expect it to be so

Embrace challenge in your life, don't try to avoid it-that's a fruitless effort anyway. Challenges help you to grow. Our first parents left idyllic paradise in favor of a dreary wilderness so that they might obtain true happiness. And it's the same with life.

So mold your paradigm and your own perspectives so that when you are up in the wee small hours of the morning with your little one, you'll stop looking up random things on wikipedia, wishing you could go back to sleep. At that moment, look down into your child's eyes and remember that everyone laments not cherishing their children why they have them-- and then you should cherish the one in your arms.

Learn to give a prayer of thanks and feel gratitude for a physical body, even when it's sick or disabled in some way. Learn to remember how much you love someone, and how much they love you even when they don't show it. Learn cherish the hard times for how they help illuminate the good times.

Happiness occurs only when you decide to be happy

Ich liebe dich, kleines Mädchen,